Avoiding the Pitfalls of Early Recovery
The two things that I have seen trip people up in early recovery the most are relationships and jobs. Avoid an early relapse by building a strong foundation.
There is no one-size-fits-all or “cookie cutter” approach to recovery from substance use disorder. One method may work just fine for one person but look completely different for someone else.
Though recovery paths may vary drastically for each individual, some things are still universal, and that includes pitfalls to watch out for in early recovery. Having “one beer” on the weekend when you just got out of rehab is generally regarded as a terrible idea no matter who you ask. Hanging out with old using friends when you have been sober for 30 days is not going to be recommended by any therapist or sponsor. Isolating and not attending any type of support group or therapy is a bad recipe for change.
The two things that I have seen cause people to slip up the most, however, are relationships in early recovery and jumping into full time employment right after getting out of rehab. I have worked in the recovery field for a few years now (and am in recovery myself) and I see it over and over again.
Let me explain. Very simply, jumping into a relationship or immediately working full time takes the focus off what is most important. Recovery is already hard. Maintaining recovery for more than a year may be one of the hardest things a person will do in their entire life. The success rates for any treatment program or support group are low, and it’s not necessarily an indictment on that particular program. Recovery is so much more than just not using; it takes a complete lifestyle change, commitment, patience, strict routine, and strong mental fortitude.
The first few months of recovery are crucial. The habits you set in the days and weeks after getting out of rehab or stopping use will set the tone for what your recovery will look like later on. That’s not to say your recovery will not change over time, just that when a person is newly sober, if they aren’t proactive in maintaining recovery, it is not going to last.
That’s why it is so important to develop a good foundation. Like a strong house, if the foundation is not developed right, it is not going to withstand the storms that will undoubtedly come. Unlike a house, though, the foundation of recovery is not something you can measure. It’s what is happening in your mind, heart, and soul. It is the connections you form with other people, the meetings you attend, the therapist that helps you problem solve, or the confidence you build when you start making better choices.
When you jump into a relationship before you have had time to start loving yourself, you are giving up before the miracle has had time to work. When you throw yourself into a 40-hour work week before you have even found a home group or a sponsor, you are setting off a series of events that rarely have happy endings. That’s not to say nobody has ever stayed sober when doing these things, but I can count on one hand the amount of times I have ever seen it work.
Each person’s circumstances are different; I get that. Some people may feel they have no choice but to start working right away so they don’t lose their house or so they can feed their kids. Some people may even already be in relationships when they choose to get help. I’m not recommending divorcing your wife so you can focus on yourself. I am just sharing my experience, and that is if you cannot build your recovery foundation before you start offering yourself to the world, you are going to lose out on offering anything to yourself.
Getting a job CAN be a part of recovery. After all, you cannot work on the whole person if you aren’t addressing all biological, psychological, and social aspects of your life. But recovery – and life – is best lived when you find the right balance. Having a supportive partner can also be fulfilling and helpful. But what’s going to happen when that job starts to burn you out, or your relationship turns toxic because you don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship? With no recovery foundation to fall back on, there is a VERY good chance you start to rationalize to yourself that “I can just have one drink tonight. Nobody will even know.”
It took me well over a decade to finally understand that to change my life, I had to change everything. To break the chronic cycle of relapse I found myself in for many years, I had to change my patterns in early recovery. Instead of trying the same meetings, trying to chase the same girls, hanging out with the same crowd, and thinking it would be different this time, I decided to uproot my whole approach. I have had to tweak some things, and my recovery today looks a lot different than it did in my first year of sobriety, but it’s working. Find out what works for you. Just make sure to keep your recovery at the top of your priority list, because if you put your job or relationship over your recovery, you will not only lose that same job and relationship, you will most likely be back in the same situation you started in, or worse.
I promise, if you put your recovery first, the rest will fall into place and there will be no limits on what you can achieve. So many times, I see people in recovery a year or two down the road who tell me “I never thought I’d ever be able to have the life I have today.” The ones who say that are usually the same people who busted their ass to make meetings or get to their counseling appointments on time every day, though.
Break the cycle. Exceed your expectations. Make sure your home is steady and set the foundation. As the famous Field of Dreams quote says: “If you build it, he will come.”